Parasitic Friendship

     Today I feel like writing about friendship because I would like to tell people on my friendship with other people. There are some success story but there are some that failed.  I love my friends. I do give them more than I give myself. I sacrifice for them if I was asked to. But sometimes, not everybody are willing to sacrifice for you or even give a comforting word when you are willing to cut your own heart for them. I had a friendship that would suck my happiness out from me. I knew that this friendship is going to be a parasitic relationship and I am the host.

      I hate myself for being the host every time. They can do anything to me. Ignore me, scold me for the flaws I have, backstab me or worse just use me and after using me I am trash to them. I know I have flaws but why must you comment on my flaws every time. Why must you do this to me? Did I not treat you well? I encourage you by your side although I know you will scold me in the process and blame me for everything that happen to you.

      As a friend, why do you discriminate me when I get good result. You should be happy for me not say me when I tell you I get high marks. You should be understanding that I didn't receive chinese education when I was young,  not discriminate me and say that my actions of not taking chinese in examination is naive and not helping the Chinese community. I hate myself when you say things like this. I tried and pretend to act like nothing when you step all over me but you will show me all your faces to me especially when you are angry with me. I hate you but I hate myself more.

     Thankfully, you are not my only friend. When you exit from my life, that will be the end. I don't want to be the host anymore. I don't want to suffer every time I am with you or feel like crap every time. Whenever you are with me, my inner demon laugh more and harder as he will use your words and actions to me. Every time you say me, my demon uses this words to me when the night start to fall. I hope I would not find someone like you anymore, I had enough of this friendship and I can't bear with it anymore. Sorry for being so ruthless but I really can't take this anymore. 

Best test game ever

     Gosh, today I woke up with the most killing and aching back. I needed to apply analgesic cream all over my body and I slept for 16 hours. Its not the tiredness that I want to complain here but the worth of all this.

     Yesterday, I had my test game for my camp program. I love the epicness of the games. Although there are still many thing to improve but be sure that I enjoyed it. I couldn't believe that I could carry my friend that weighs around 48 kg all around the field for a game. I even carry another 52kg girl with the help of my friend. There is a blindfold game that I needed to find my teammates. This game is quite scary but its super nice because I need to find the boys first. The boys in my team is super funny. They keep yelling. There was another funny part that the boy gave wrong direction and the other person couldn't find him. Hahahaha. I love such things. That is why I continue to join events.

     Study can't give me such things. Only events. I really admire my leader. He really kept it professional. Thank you so much and for the ride. I know after the test game activities, you must be tired but thank you for fetching us back home. 

Light at the end of the Tunnel

     My friend once told me that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, if you can't see the light you have traveled enough yet. I do sometimes doubt her theory but I finally understand it. This past few days, my good and "best friend" came and haunt me this few days. I can't eat and sleep properly. Its mainly because of a lecturer that pushes me too far. I am not sure is it she has high hopes on me or not but every time I meet her, she gives the vibe to me that I need to do better. No matter how high I got, she wants the perfect one. In a nutshell, she is great but she does push me too far till my inner demon started to come out and haunting me a few nights,

      But like what my friend say, there will a light at the end of the tunnel. I saw this great facebook features that promote friendship. I went and click into it and omg the memories just flood into me. I remember all the say details of what happen in that picture but I forgot the message over the years. There was a few inspiring words that my friend had sent to me over the years, Ex:

1. Remember our promise to get be the top ten most successful people in the country.

2. They have Einstein, Archimedes and Barack Obama but I have you

I love these quotes and somehow my inner demon disappear after I teared up after seeing the video. I can't give up. I made too much promise to many people. I need to fulfill the promise. YEA!!! 

Christmas around the Air

     I know you guys must be thinking I am some what crazy? Christmas around the Air when we are now at November. There is still a month to go. I used to love Christmas although I am not a christian. My family do celebrate them and the gifts I get is like the best of all. Although it doesn't value that much in term of money, its the thought that count. I used to love coming back from a Christmas party and open up my presents. Sometimes I will get the funniest things and laugh with my family. I used to ask my parents why don't we have a chimney for Santa Claus to come down.

     Its been a tiring semester to tell you the truth. I feel super duper tired that I actually slept at 8pm and woke up at 3am to do my studies or event things. But the renowned feeling in me after going to  a Christmas event is going to move me the entire semester. I love that I actually get to pretend to be a lady for once. For the first time, I wore a dress to UTAR and ball dance with great friends. I love that I dance with them.

    The day would be just perfect if my friend get to dance with a teacher she had a crush on for so long. Unfortunately the teacher rejected her. If she could dance with the teacher, I will feel so damn happy. I could feel her sadness when she got rejected in front of 520 people and people who known her. I tried to hug her but I know that she will need time and great company. Well, I hope you can get to dance with him one day. I love the way they portrayed that sometimes the most important things you need in life wont look that important now. It may look as small as pebble but that pebble can help you in the future. 

Craziest people I ever meet

     There is some part in your life where you will meet the quirkiest, craziest and just blown away friends. I met them in my program team for my new camp. At first, I thought they are just okay but who would know that they are so freaking crazy. Whenever we are at a meeting, we laugh like baboons. We have the same thinking. We even hate the same person in the committee. We are the fun bunch. If you can't imagine the fun we had, try imagine that one of them actually moan in the car when we are travelling. Like super loud moaning and call our names in his moan. hahahahaha. In this team, we actually have a mama, a boss and two of us. 4 of us make a team hahaha. Its weird that sometimes when you need such entertainment in your life, they come to you. 

     I will always remember that there will be more crazy people I want to meet. I want to find more true friends that will love me for the way I am. I will never give up hahaha. Its just in a matter of time that such people will leave a memory for me. When you feel good, the universe will give you good feeling. Never say bad about people cause one day they might be your greatest help in life. I learned that mistake often but I still makes them. It okay! I am learning as a human being. I will just try to lessen it.