What a day?!

     Today, I thought life was going to end. I was going to start my other event. The event that I was scare the most. I really got so stress up that in class any joke that my friends make I tried to laugh as I can so people will not see it. I tried to hide my feeling. I try to hold back my tears in front of everyone. I tell to my closes friends that I am about to explode. One of them were so good that she lend her shoulders for me to sleep. I was too tired and I just slept there for 15 minutes. She didn't tried to move and help me cause she knows I had a rough start of the day. She even accompany me to the workshop to see my committee works. She will always be remember as she is my EV senior and she even followed me to class.

     I didn't expect her to buy gifts from pulau perhentian but she bought one. I was so shock regarding that cause I didn't ask her to buy it for me. After she left, I had a terrible start to my event's preparation. But remember all is well. I love how it finally works out. My shoulders were lifted from burden and I hope the week faster end and I can finally concentrate on my studies. Oh yah!!

Stupid Anger of mine

I hate you anger. Why must you come to my life? Fucking anger.
You must be wondering why I hate anger so much. Because once it gets up, its very hard to get down! It takes lots of relaxation and therapy to get it down. Besides that my head feels like it is about to explode. The flow rate of my blood suddenly spike up and my blood vessels can't cope it.

Why must idiots exist? Why must they ruin my life and give fuel to my anger? I got so pissed off that my tongue start lashing out without any consideration of other emotion. I must always shout at my pillow whom i hug every night to reduce this anger... Must calm down, JA calm down , chillax for a while. That's it, relax. Calm your anger and breathe in and out. Think of the people you need to meet later. They don't want see you so angry and you might hurt them. Don't do this to them. Okay?

If I can make you happier!!

If I can make you happier I would. I am not someone who is chasing you, just an ordinary girl helping a wounded friend. I know life wasn't a breeze and it was like a hurricane to you. If small gestures would make you smile, I would. You remind me of my sister who is now not with me. When you talk to me, I always think that I am talking to a great person. You are beautiful the way you are stop doubting yourself. Small gestures like giving pikachu boxes make my day.

I hope you can read this but I wouldn't tell you to find it cause deep down this is how I feel. I treat everybody the same. if you treat me nice, I would give my heart to you and hope you don't crush it. If you treat me bad, that will be the last time I give anything to you. If I treat you nice, there must be a reason and the reason is because you treat me better and you make me super super comfortable talking to you. Thanks a lot for giving me the chance to know you and I hope this friendship will last till my last breath!!

My fear, anger, sad and happy~ness

Yesterday, I went to the counselling week exhibition at utar. I feel so relieved that I went there and wrote things that was so hidden in my heart regarding my fear, anger, sad and happy feeling...

First I went to write in the fear counter. What was my fear?? I fear loneliness and fear of not achieving what i want.

Then, I went to the anger counter and the things that pisses me off is that people dont follow me 

Later the sad counter, I wrote that I was feeling sad as 2 events and studies was on my shoulders and I really hurt a friend yesterday. I feel bad for hurting you !!

My happiness will be for good friends and company like my wonderful family 

My dream are all written in this paper. I want to be the greatest environmentalist and save humankind from there own destruction and have time for family and friends. Remember HOPE = hold on, pain ends

This was the last part of the event and I absolutely love this quote!!

Just a few steps more...

OMG, its already week 2 Saturday of my year 2 sem 1 term. I still need to have 2 more weeks then I am as free as a bird as all my events are finally over.. I have been so freaking stressed up this couple of weeks. Having two events is okay if you love them but the thing is that when you love one more than the other.

Its not that I couldn't stand the hard work. In fact the event I love the more require more time and energy to be invested. I feel happy and like a part of a family when I go do my favorite event. I don't doubt myself and my capability to run this event. I will always love you Healthy Lifestyle Campaign 2014.

 On the contrary, my other event have people who hates my guts and makes me miserable every time. I gets stressed up every single fucking time I go for their meeting. To those mother fucker who hates me well just continue your way cause I know that what I am doing is true to myself.

My beloved event committee really supports me and makes me feel good. They say that they are glad I came to their life. I feel so touched when I hear this and they become good friends with me. While the other event, the committee "so called engineering student" behaves more childish than my younger sister. I really hate them. They make me feel so unwelcome. Doubt myself constantly due to them. And I hate it when they defended a stupid action and try to justify it to me and my vice and ask me why I need to bother them. Hello you people are doing an event. Grow up please!! I hate them so much.

Why god you give me both the sweet and bitter fruit to bite the same time. I feel so lifeless and dead every single waking moment of my life. Just a few steps more...

That's whats friends are for!!

     If all day could be like this, I wish it could be!! I used to have my fair string of bad friendship had finally taste the sweet taste of friendship! 

     Although I fell down from the bicycle yesterday and it hurts like hell but I feel it is all worthwhile with the friends I have. All of them was concern of my wound and some even ask me to help me clean them although it was troublesome for them. I had the feeling that since this is my wound I should be the one cleaning it not them as I don't want to dirty their fingers. I know what I did concern you guys but I know you guys will be in my heart forever. 

     I had the whole day doing roadshow walking from block d to block n which is super duper far. Although it hurts but with the jokers, I was walking with I enjoyed myself. Although pain was excruciating but my happiness overcomes it. I know that some might find it crazy but I really love that I walk roadshow on my campaign which is Healthy Lifestyle Campaign!! WOOO. The amazing feeling removes the pain from my legs and gave me happiness instead. After I went back, I continue to do fundraising and the best part of all, a committee told me that somehow the more he sees me, the more he thinks I am more beautiful. For somebody like me who didn't get these kind of compliment really brings my day!! 

     After fundraising, another committee fetch me back home using her e bike i feel so touched that she is willing to fetch me !!! Omg imagine the amount of happy tears I have to withstand. But the best was yet to come

     The best was the night part where my coursemate gave me chinese rice dumpling as it was the chinese rice dumpling festival. He deliver it to me and I feel so touched to eat it. It taste super delicious and my tears of joys finally came down. 

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A Cupid's Tale

       Ever wonder if a cupid get his love?? Every time he lead people to love will he ever get one? All of a sudden I just have the craziest writer's block on what if cupid have his own love. I went to Wikipedia my savior, my angel and my guardian to all my assignment. I found out that cupid did have his own love story. It was with cupid and Psyche from a Latin literature. You can read all about it in Wikipedia and trust me it is a happy ending.

       But I do feel so strong to write about cupid love interest in the 21st century... It all begins like this. On a beautiful Saturday morning, Elizabeth was sitting on the park reading her lecture notes on data software engineering. She was often mocked by her own classmates that she would never succeed as an data software engineering student as she was a girl. All this notes and recap on the lectures notes exhaust her and cause her a massive headache. She laid on the patio near the grass bed of her university. She began to wonder if she could ever find love. She dream about being with the man she love, spending her days with him or even just  a hug from him would cheer her up. Her thoughts were so loud that the cupid overheard it.

      Cupid heard her dreams and her vision that he is obliged to give her a true love. He came down from heaven's gate and flew to her. Upon meeting Elizabeth, cupid was baffled. His one and only love Psyche seem to come back alive. He knew his love towards Psyche will end as he is immortal and Psyche is a mortal who will die due to old age. Something about Elizabeth remind him of Psyche. Cupid knew it was destiny that he saw Elizabeth and it was a permission from Zeus itself to let him have love again.

      Cupid was so scare to meet her. He first transform himself into a hunk and named himself Roy. Roy went to the grass bed. He saw Elizabeth's notes flew. He picked it up and had the courage to go up to Elizabeth and gave the notes back. Elizabeth was stunned by the generosity of a man that she didn't receive for a long time and this boy had her heart pumping so fast in the very first time in her life. That was the first love lock glance both of them had for a long time. The two began as friends then later scaled up to lover. Though there was many time cupid could tell her who he really was, he didn't dare as he scare that he might lose her.

      This went on for many years. Till one day, Elizabeth had the courage to ask cupid for his hand in marriage. Cupid quickly denied it as it was against the rule to marry a mortal. Elizabeth was confuse and she got mad at cupid for saying no to her as they were lover for a long time. Hermit the messenger of god overheard the marriage proposal and told Zeus about it. Zeus becomes furious and he order Cupid to break this relationship. Cupid with a heavy heart broke the relationship with Elizabeth. Elizabeth who was so deep in Cupid's love begin to feel like nothing was worth fighting for in her life. That night she ended her life with a knife to her hand and her wound was stated ROY.

     Cupid being so sad that he also wanted to end his life but he is immortal so he couldn't die. It was a curse to him. He went to Apollos and beg him to go back time and save Elizabeth life. Apollos agree to it with a condition that Elizabeth will never remember him again and Cupid agree to it. Apollos turn back the time when Cupid first saw Elizabeth. Instead of meeting Elizabeth at that patio, Cupid went back to heaven with a heavy heart and told himself that he was a curse for love.