Saturday, February 14, 2015

Reverse, Pause, Play, Forward and Shuffle

    You people must be wondering why my title today is super duper weird. Well, I discover that the music player setting can show you the rules of life.

     The first rule is to reverse. Remember back your roots, remember why were you born and why you exist on this planet Earth. If you had no idea like me, you can think and assume that you are born with a purpose, Everything happen for a reason. When something happen, its ripple will show its effect. You don't have to be the next noble prize winner or somebody famous to create such ripple. Just like my little sister. She was born out of a mistake but she is not a mistake in my life. She is my rock although it seems the other way around. Without her, maybe I am not in my physical form anymore. Without her, dying doesn't seem so cruel.

    The next rule is to pause. Stop whatever you are doing now and just live in the present moment. For somebody like me, it is an impossible task. I can't live in the present. I always think of future events or dig up some past event. Everyday when I cycle to Uni, I won't look at the beautiful surrounding, instead I think of the future or even the past. Sometimes I giggle while I cycle when I think of a funny situation.

    Okay, so the 3rd rule is play. No matter how hard life hits you, you must know that life move on. If you are sad for 60 second, 1 minute of happiness is thrown out of the window. The father time will not stop time just for you, the clock will continue on ticking and ticking until maybe after you die, you won't feel the effect of time. But as long as you are still breathing, your body clock is still ticking.


    The 4th rule is forward. Although like what I say that we need to live in the present. We must also plan our future. Sometimes, our plan don't work and then frustration and anger comes along but at least you tried. I would like to confess that my schedule of anything will never work. There will always be something that comes along like a bull and crash my schedule. My future plans do seem to frightening to some and some of my friends advises me to change my future goal as its too stressful and too ambitious. For me, its my plan and I will try my best to achieve it although I might die in the process due to exhaustion.

   The last rule is to shuffle. What is the meaning of shuffle? Shuffle back your memories when you feel bored. Remember your favourites and just play them. For me, memory of skies full of stars are the best for me, When I was in camp, I could see the skies filled with stars. Do you know why I love stars? Its because I feel that the stars are accompanying the lonely moon. When I see so much stars, I feel that the moon is not lonely and I am also not alone although some situations make me believe I am alone and useless.

    Well cheers and have a great weekend with loved ones as its Valentine's day and OMG fifty shades of movie is out and I am so bloody in love with the new Avril Lavigne song which is Give what you like!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! Fan girl screaming hehehe.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

So WHat?!

     Omg with the constant pressure from people to be perfect, I am definitely am somebody who don't care about her appearance or how I should treat somebody. My motto life is if you treat me good, I will treat you the same way. If you cross me once, I will still forgive you but if you cross me twice, that's it Bitch or Son of a Bitch. I won't talk to you anymore. I am not hard to understand. I just don't think that you should be treated the way you think you should get.

    PS: All this anger is because somebody scold me through Facebook. Do you balls?? Scold in front of me please. You are a guy! Even I wonder if I have more balls than you. You think you are great ? You think that you are brave to scold me through internet. At first, I got a bit sad but screw you. I think back of all the great and wonderful people who know me and love me. Who are you to scold me ? The worst part of all is that an unknown person scolded me. I don't even freaking know you?? At least let me talk to you then screw me. WTF?? I am super duper steam up.

     OMG I will show the world that I can do it. Generate those hate people. I am going to prove you wrong!! I may not be as clever as Einstein or as brave as a soldier but I will be me and I will be true to myself. Your insults will break my bones but I will continue to move on and prove that you are wrong. Do you think that you are few of my  haters? Join the community of haters who hate me. Even my own family member hate me. So what? ! 

Monday, February 2, 2015

Great memories are there to be cherish

      Beautiful memories leave its breath in my heart. I really love great memories. Thinking about it make me smile and sometime I will laugh my heart out with these memories. Till now, I had a lot of bad memories but today is just one of those days where memories just become light in the darkness.

     My camp just ended. Although there was bitterness during the preparation was present at that moment, the aftermath of the camp was just great. When all the participants thank you for organizing such great camp, your heart tend to melt a bit. I really love this feeling. I really bring out my inner self that I was hiding from the world. The girl that likes to have fun and not worry. A girl that can M-字腿 or move her butt, dance to oppa gandam style and harlem shake just for the sake of fun. How I wish I could be such a person when I return back to my campus life. I love how I was super high and manage to conduct the program flow according to plan. 

     But that wasn't the only thing that happen to me, beautiful memories continue to flow in. Today I woke up late for my quiz and call my friend. This guy is the most caring friend in the world. I cried instantly when I heard the quiz was over and I can't do it. He tried his best and contacted the lecturer to have a replacement for me. When I took the quiz, I nearly teared up and cry as my heart melted again as the quiz was in soft copy and he helped me write it down and give me some hint like which part is the correct one. I really could feel how warm a friendship was. I wanted to feel something like that for so long. Somebody to care for me. I love when people care for me. I was born in a scenario when care was not there and to feel something like this after a long time make me happy. 

     While I was writing this blog post, tears of happiness was flowing down from my face thinking how lucky I am to have such beautiful memories. I love this moment and I hope it will not go away. I just want these to last for eternity. When I take my last breath from the world, I will remember these memories. The memories that will last in me for a lifetime. 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Life is full of surprises

     Life is truly funny. Just when you think your boring life couldn't be anymore boring, something funny will appear in front of you. You will tend to remember such funny situation when your life journey ends. Yesterday was truly amazing day. I woke up as usual the late morning hours and went to my program meeting. We were practicing to dance to Happy by Pharell Williams and Waka waka by Shakira. If you ask the younger me, I would tell you that I hate dancing. Although I still hate it as I was bad in it, I found the fun of it. Dancing with the funniest people was the best. We laugh like hell but after 3 hours of torment practices, we all fell to the floor out of exhaustion. From that moment, I knew that dancing is hard but its fun.

     After my meeting, I went to New Town as usual to buy dinner. Just along the way, there was an indian girl. She was blocking my road and as I was exhausted, I didn't call her to move aside. She saw me and said sorry. I was going to pass her till I heard

"Can you fetch me to New Town?"

I replied "  Sure, if you want" thinking that she will refuse it.

"Can I?" She answer

I didn't expect that answer and fell down when I turn back to her. 'Great I fell down again from the bicycle' my mind was whispering to me. My palm and arm was slightly bruised and she rushed to me. The funny thing was that after that minute, I was fetching her on the back of my bicycle. She was a new student in Utar and studying Pr. Funny how my usual ordinary day turn out. I met a new person on that day

     After coming back to my room, I found out that my result was released and I saw that I was awarded with president list. I was happy that finally after all my hardwork, I finally got something back for myself. Truth be told, my life journey will never be boring if I close to myself. If I hadn't join any event, if I hadn't ride that girl back home and if I hadn't work my butt of to get good result, my life will continue to be boring.

PS to myself: Try new experience, you will never know what you can get!!

Thursday, January 1, 2015

New year new look

    Happy new year !! Life is truly a mysterious. Just a few days ago, I was in Sabah; the land of mysterious. I saw the oceans, mountains and clean streams of fresh water. I love how the locals have simple life. No frustration of work to bring back. They seem happy. I was particularly drawn to the sea. The wave are relaxing and calm at the same time. I wander around the hotel at night just looking at the ocean. I met new friends there. They remind me of my Utar friends as they start speaking in Chinese something that I haven't done very long.  

    When I was in Sabah, I was like a child back. It had been so long that I have been in a trip. I was high at night and being flirty hahahaha. At most traveling with the craziest people. It's a great way to end 2014. A year that changes me and a year that taught me a lot about patience. 

    All I hope for my 2015 is to be more of myself. That's all. I want to relax anytime I want. I want to enjoy life and kiss my past and pain away. I want to explore the world. I want to be me. I don't want words to affect me and I want to be better for future. Well a new year begin and a new life will start!!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The gun

     Well, I am here again posting before my final exam finally finishes. OMG I slack off for 4 whole days and did completely nothing but glee and movies. There was an episode on glee that was about school shooting. All the characters were so afraid that that time as it might be the last time they will be meeting each other. The tension of the episode was so high that you starts to wonder what if something like this happen to you. You are attending in a class with friends, enemies and people who you don't pay attention to and suddenly you hear gun shots. You saw somebody holding a gun and is trying to open the class doors. What would you do?

    For me, I think I will try to hide my fears first then maybe burst into tears as I know life is going to end. Then I thought that feeling of that scenario is what I used to feel. Scared most of the time and knowing that life is hanging by the thread. The only catch was that there is another gun at your hand and you know you can end this once and for all.

  If anyone wanna understand why some people can't get over it, try imagine you in that situation where you are stuck during a school shooting and the gun is in your hand. You may think you have a chance to shoot the shooter but the fear is too overwhelming that you wouldn't think of that. Instead you will think of ending your life. That's the feeling that you feel when you think that the shooter or your demons is stronger than you. You don't think you can overcome it or whatever gender it is especially when you are all alone in the class and not knowing that there are other people around you.

    The fear is the one that test our courage. Courage is never attainable but its tested again and again until you take your last breath on earth and enter to another state. If you have the courage to just shoot the shooter or that demon haunting you, you will have no such fears. You will be better and live a happier life without fear although its ghost will come back and haunt you again after the shooting. 

Friday, December 5, 2014

Shake it off

   No, I am not meaning the Taylor Swift new song but the glee version of the song. I love that song since I was young but I couldn't understand it until last night when I watch back the glee episodes. I finally understand what is the meaning of shaking off the devil in me. I love the lyrics. It meaningful in every way and in every verse. Especially this part:

Every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always the darkest before the dawn

and

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and restart

    The message of the song is that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that its always the darkest before dawn and if you think you have no heart or  a cold heart, do remember that you can restart it. I just love the way this song sings to me. Because of this song, I went for a jog in the park so I can restart my broken shattered heart. When I was jogging, the song of Fort Minor; Remember the Name just popped and sing to me. I will always remember the verse that says:

Its 10% luck, 20% skill, 10% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure and 50% pain and 100% to remember the name. I must motivate myself to pass through this stage of life in that's the last thing I do in this life.