A mask

     A mask is something you cover with your face. Hiding your true face from the crowd. Some may use this mask for stabbing someone in the back but for me I like to hide my sadness with a happy mask. A mask that smiles to everyone despite my heart is bleeding profusely due family, studies and others. 

     People do ask me why I hide this sadness? It's because since young my family told me that true feelings of sadness will only bring sadness to other people. Since young when I was bullied , spit on and harass for not being girly enough, I would not cry in front of my mom. Instead I go back home and cry in the showers and blame my shampoo for my red eyes. My mom knew I had something holding me back and she always say that life I like this. They have problems and everybody need to face it. 

     My mask got thicker over the years as I transform my personality. I used to be an introvert and I notice I had no friends at all. My friends were always not at my back and many will backstabbing me since young. So I grew more and more layers of mask over the years. By the time, I reach university my mask was so thick that this mask was too hard to take out. And whenever I took it out I will cry one corner of my room cause I see the ugly side of my true feelings. All the things I keep to myself, and when I unleash it, I got screwed for it. Like my event problems, many told me that I brought this sadness to myself like I wanted this dose of sadness in my life. 

     I had to bear this sadness alone and I was taught to do so. As long this mask glued to my face, I will always smile in front of you. My heart is full of stitches from many heartbreaks in the past. I don't want to show this ugly side of me to others because I myself can't even face the mirror when I open this happy mask. I just wish I can have more strength to keep this mask glued to my face before I breakdown.