Well, depression is clouding me and making me cry every single night. I cry until I am exhausted and then I can only sleep. If not I can't sleep. My hands keeps on shaking no matter what I do. Yesterday night was the same things again. Couldn't sleep, feeling sad, cry then sleep. But before I sleep, I saw a video on Youtube that reveals why Demi Lovato, a singer and actress from Disney cuts herself. Without hesitation, I open this video and watch it. She reveal because she had a eating disorder due to bullying then she started to self- harm. She went for treatment many years later, only she became better and stop self- harming. She said the reason why she wants to stop self- harming is to show a good example to the younger sister.
I also want to be like her. Not a world class singer or actress but a person who saves herself for her sister. I want to be a good example to my sister. My sister is the only one who can pull me back to the happy world. Someone who can show me that the world is not that awful, not that bad. Whenever, I came back, she will be the first one to hug me and say how much she miss me. If I self harm or leave this world, it will never be fair for her.
So, I want to be like Demi Lovato. I want to save myself. I want to be better. I want to kick out depression and anxiety disorder from my life. Although every single fucking time I dream, there is someone scolding me for the mistakes I did in an event. Every morning, I woke up crying because there is someone scolding me. Last dream, I dreamt my coursemate scold me for doing an event that bring shames to the EV students and the one before I dreamt that my ex-committee was scolding me for not doing a good job. But I must try to get over this cause its consuming me. Its taking my life away from me.
I also want to be like her. Not a world class singer or actress but a person who saves herself for her sister. I want to be a good example to my sister. My sister is the only one who can pull me back to the happy world. Someone who can show me that the world is not that awful, not that bad. Whenever, I came back, she will be the first one to hug me and say how much she miss me. If I self harm or leave this world, it will never be fair for her.
So, I want to be like Demi Lovato. I want to save myself. I want to be better. I want to kick out depression and anxiety disorder from my life. Although every single fucking time I dream, there is someone scolding me for the mistakes I did in an event. Every morning, I woke up crying because there is someone scolding me. Last dream, I dreamt my coursemate scold me for doing an event that bring shames to the EV students and the one before I dreamt that my ex-committee was scolding me for not doing a good job. But I must try to get over this cause its consuming me. Its taking my life away from me.
No comments:
Post a Comment