Why can't I keep it to myself? All my problem why can I keep it to myself. Idiot me I have been keeping all this while, why blab out to other people now?
Ever since primary school when you were spit on, called names, discriminated for being one of the boys, you kept it to yourself. You never told your family about the abuses when you were in school. Even when my family gives me pressure when I was young and got caned in the family, you don't tell to other. There was once you told to your extended family about this problem and you were pinched by your so called guardian until your thighs were blue black and then caned till the rotan broke to half at the legs. You learn to keep it to yourself from then. Why can't you be like your younger self?
You were a loner, a person with no friends when you reach secondary school. You always wonder why people have friends and why you are all alone. You tried to approach some but because of your temper you learn from home, you were distant by others. You just go back and cry in the toilet and blame the shampoo if your mom notices. Why can't you be like that?
But now, just events' problem and studies, you cant stand it. Where is that safe in your heart? Why can't you keep more. Don't talk to me when you can't keep it to yourself!! You are a failure and weaker than when you are younger. Why can't you just keep to yourself? Why can't you just suffer alone? You have been god damning doing it for almost 19 years now. There is no excuse you can't keep it to yourself. Just cry when you go back. Why tell?
I understand what was my voice in my brain telling me. I should keep it to myself and maybe just reveal to the counselor as I already started on counselling. If I getting panic attack, I will keep it to myself. I have no right to share my problems with others, they also feel stress. Why put such a burden on them when you are suppose to hold the burden. Remember this !!
Ever since primary school when you were spit on, called names, discriminated for being one of the boys, you kept it to yourself. You never told your family about the abuses when you were in school. Even when my family gives me pressure when I was young and got caned in the family, you don't tell to other. There was once you told to your extended family about this problem and you were pinched by your so called guardian until your thighs were blue black and then caned till the rotan broke to half at the legs. You learn to keep it to yourself from then. Why can't you be like your younger self?
You were a loner, a person with no friends when you reach secondary school. You always wonder why people have friends and why you are all alone. You tried to approach some but because of your temper you learn from home, you were distant by others. You just go back and cry in the toilet and blame the shampoo if your mom notices. Why can't you be like that?
But now, just events' problem and studies, you cant stand it. Where is that safe in your heart? Why can't you keep more. Don't talk to me when you can't keep it to yourself!! You are a failure and weaker than when you are younger. Why can't you just keep to yourself? Why can't you just suffer alone? You have been god damning doing it for almost 19 years now. There is no excuse you can't keep it to yourself. Just cry when you go back. Why tell?
I understand what was my voice in my brain telling me. I should keep it to myself and maybe just reveal to the counselor as I already started on counselling. If I getting panic attack, I will keep it to myself. I have no right to share my problems with others, they also feel stress. Why put such a burden on them when you are suppose to hold the burden. Remember this !!
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