Monster in me, why are you becoming stronger day by day? Why do I feel like I am too weak against you? You come out when I am alone with nobody to help me defend you. Monster in me why do you make me breakdown and cry every night. Why you make me hate myself so mush for being a failure? Monster in me, I hate you. You drain all my energy. You broke my spirit and everything in my soul. Sometimes, I wish you can stop whispering to me and haunting me in my dreams. Your whisper is too much for me to handle. You always tell me how pathetic I am, how I failed, how I am another worthless piece of garbage. Monster in me, I can see you very clear now, sitting at one corner of my room telling me to harm myself. Sometimes, I listen to you. I snap myself using a rubber band till my arm is too pain to move. Sometimes, you make me question my life. I feel like you ask me to kill myself since I am not worth it.
Monster in me, can you go away? I don't want to live with you. I can feel you are gaining control of my life. You are controlling my life. Someone ask me " If you could take your own life without pain, without harming your friend and family, would you do it ? " I told that person no directly but monster in me you keep whispering to me "YES." I thought of this question and I can feel you controlling my mind. You are telling me " Little girl, little girl, you don't have to suffer with me around. Just kill yourself and I will die together with you. At least there is one less failure in this world and you are making the world a better place."
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